Eight Essential Communciation Skills
Armed with these essential communication skills, you'll be able to keep your network alive and growing. The best communicators know how to:
1. Smile.
2. Look the person in the eye.
Once at a trade show, I was talking to a man who spent the whole five minutes of a conversation that he had initiated looking everywhere except at me. In fact, at one point, he saw someone he obviously wanted to speak with and in mid-sentence, he turned around and began speaking with the other person as if I had evaporated into thin air.
Eye contact is one of the strongest communication skills we can develop. It's been said, and I believe it's true, "the eyes are the windows of the soul."
3. Listen with care.
Remember that when you are networking with a new contact, it is like reading the paper. Let the person tell you the story so you can discover the "news you can use." More people have literally talked themselves out of a job or a sale by talking instead of sitting back and actively listening. It takes real concentration to listen.
4. Remember names.
It pays to remember names. Here are three ways to sharpen your name memory skills.
My name is Andrea Nierenberg. Picture me in the Antarctic, dressed in white fur, clinging to the bow of a sinking ship, the "Andrea Doria" (Andrea) which is "near an iceberg" (Nier-en-berg). There you have a picture of me and my name, Andrea Nierenberg. Remember, the sillier the visual story, the easier it is to remember.
5. Be aware of your body language.
You can say a lot without ever opening your mouth. Research tells us perceptions are formed in three ways: Verbal makes up 7 percent, Non-verbal 38 percent, and Visual is 55 percent of our perception of others. Notice that body language makes up the biggest percentage. Make sure your body language communicates what you truly want to say.
B-Breathe deeply and consistently. This steadies your nerves and gives you a pleasant facial expression that says, "I'm glad to be speaking with you."
6. Be respectful of other people's boundaries.
7. Look for common interests.
Once you establish your common interests, the conversation will flow, and you will easily find reasons to follow up and keep in touch.
8. Give genuine compliments.
As a general rule, most of us do not give out compliments as often as they might be deserved. We worry that we will come across as phony, or as if we are doing it because we want something. This is why it is so critical to be sincere and to give a compliment only when you mean it.
A smile is the first step in building rapport. Remember to smile when you enter a room, a business meeting, and even when you answer the phone. I give people mirrors with the phrase printed on the case, "Can your smile be heard?" I tell them to put the mirror on their desk when they are talking on the phone in order to see their expression. And, yes, a smile can be heard. Remember also, when you're talking with someone face to face, they become the mirror that reflects your expression. Your expression is the most important thing you wear. Smiling can raise your spirits and can even affect the way you sound. A smile can also disarm another. Use this powerful communication tool to your advantage.
Making good eye contact shows respect and interest. Have you ever been speaking with a person who was looking over your shoulder instead of at you? Did you feel like, "he doesn't think I'm important," or, "he's not even listening to me?"
One of the greatest compliments you can give another is to let him or her know you are listening to everything that is said. Find the hidden word in LISTEN using all the letters. The word is SILENT. That is what our internal voice must be to get the full impact of what others are saying.
Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People says, "...a person's name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language..."
"What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
O-Overtures can speak volumes. Nod to show encouragement and to show you are listening. Keep an open posture to show you are receptive.
D-Demeanor is the part of your personality demonstrated by body language. A blank stare, crossed arms, nervous gestures, all convey the opposite of what you want to communicate.
Y-"You" meaning the other person should be your main focus. Observe patterns of others and find a way to match styles to ease the interaction. For example, if you are sitting across the table from a person who is leaning in to create a closer connection, follow suit. Do not lean back; this says, "I'm not interested."
The invisible boundaries around us define our personal space. It varies from culture to culture. Most Americans become uncomfortable if someone is closer than 18 inches. In some countries, standing as close as we do in the United States is considered too far apart. In other places, it is too close. People's boundaries are not only an issue for travelers. America is a melting pot so you need to be aware of the diversity within our own country.
Ask open-ended questions and then listen to what others have to say. Develop your list of "get to know you questions" so that they are easy and automatic. Make sure they are phrased so they that cannot be answered with just one word. Or, at least have a follow up question ready. Some people you meet-you probably know the type-will take your questions quite literally. "Did you enjoy the speaker," you ask, hoping to start a conversation. "Yes" is the answer you get, followed by silence. So, change your question to, "How did you find the speaker's presentation?" You may still get, "Fine." But then you can follow up with, "What did you particularly like about it?"
When you listen to someone carefully, often they will mention something which they are proud of. Think for a moment and find a way to acknowledge the person's achievement. Make a goal of finding at least one positive trait or characteristic in each person you meet that you can compliment. It may seem awkward at first, but soon it will become second nature.
