Value negatives by thinking paradoxically
One of the most interesting things to observe about humans is how paradoxical we are.
Webster on paradox: “when something seems contradictory, but may be true.”
“Paradox” is a word most of us don’t apply to ourselves because it sounds negative. But in fact, humans are a sometimes sweet, sometimes bitter, but always a spicy Brunswick stew of paradoxes.
In “Paradoxical Thinking,” Kelle Olwyler proposed that while we have aspects of our character that we view as negative and, consequently, try to eliminate, these are actually just as essential to who we are as the positive parts; thus the paradox. Olwyler says, “Eliminating our negatives is like trying to eliminate half of a pendulum swing.”
Olwyler defines paradoxical thinking as, “accepting and valuing our paradoxes, as well as those of people around us.” It’s the process of consciously matching up our paradoxical sides to achieve excellence.
Paradoxical thinking actually gives us permission to not hate our negatives. For example:
- If you have an aggressive side, the other side of that pendulum is an outgoing nature that contributes in sales.
- Some might think you’re a work-a-holic, but your family benefits from your efforts.
- You may be considered unorganized, but you can also see the world more creatively than more structured peers.
Focusing only on the negatives of our paradoxes is destructive. Conversely, paradoxical thinking allows us to recognize, value and manage both sides of the pendulum swing that makes up who we are. Consider the three previous examples now with paradoxical thinking.
- By recognizing your aggressive tendency, you can learn to channel it appropriately and enjoy the benefits.
- By accepting that you like working, and indeed must work, you and your family can identify ways to accomplish your professional goals in concert with those of the family.
- By getting someone to help you with organization, you can work more productively on things that you can see but are “outside of the box” for others.
Finally, if you’re having trouble finding your negatives, when you see someone behaving in a way that’s really annoying, the chances are excellent that you do the same thing.
Ouch! This paradoxical thinking can sting.
Humans are perfect assemblies of imperfections; dimples AND warts all rolled into the cutest bundles of annoying characteristics. But a dimple wouldn’t be cute if we had never seen a wart.
Write this on a rock... To seek excellence, understand and accept your paradoxes.
Jim Blasingame, Creator/Host of The Small Business Advocate Show
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